accomplished twins. life is a go
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
