so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
