I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
