the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
