i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Randomize
