I just cut my nipple shaving
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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