You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
