I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
