I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
