That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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