I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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