i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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