She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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