he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
