he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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