Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Please don't give away my fajitas
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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