My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
