I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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