Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
