My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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