well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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