I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
