Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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