You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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