just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
