Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
