i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
