I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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