i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
