I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
