If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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