Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.