So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
