apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.