I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well