please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
