Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Liz is crying about burritos again.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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