And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
