dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
