I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize