FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's never too late to be topless.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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