i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
