the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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