oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
