I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
