If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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