There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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