He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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