So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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