GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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