TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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