I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
