SEEEEXXX PLEASE
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
