My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
