Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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