She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
