one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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