one two three fourrrrnication!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
