so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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