do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
