i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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