i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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