Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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