a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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