I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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